Nine months

I've been a bit MIA recently -- I was busy getting ready for our two-week Western road trip and then on the road for two weeks! It was a much-needed vacation for both Brent and I and we were happy just to spend some quality time together.

Since I didn't want anything to happen to the current blanket I am knitting, I left it at home. So, again it is slowly coming along, and I do really hope to have it done in less than a month. Several of you out there are knitting along with me, which keeps me so much more motivated for this mission and lets me know that I am doing something good here. Once I get my blanket done, I do want to make my first (finally!) donation to a hospital. I am also working on designing a postcard to keep with the blanket, letting the families know about the Web site and mission of Knits of Grief. I've been a bit frustrated designing the postcard, mainly because I want it to be perfect, but I know it will get there eventually!

On July 19, Jackson would have been nine months old. Its always a bit hard every time the 19th of the month rolls around. It means one more month has passed since Brent and I got to hold our precious baby boy, and one more month of wondering what his first year would be like. We wonder so much what he would look like now compared to his newborn pictures, what his personality would be like, how active he would be crawling -- and probably by now pulling himself up on lots of things and slowly figuring out how to walk.

Although this can sometimes bring me a new wave of grief and sadness, I can think of Jackson now and smile a bit.  He was beautiful, and Brent and I both felt like we got to know him in the short 38 weeks he was with us here on Earth. And I wouldn't give that time up with him for anything.

If you have recently suffered a loss of your own, your pain is probably completely raw and incomprehensible. Please hang in there, and know at one time or another you will be able to look at the time you spent with your baby and smile -- just a little bit -- too.