Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Fighting a taboo subject

Before Jackson ever died, I never really thought about stillbirth or heard about it much either. I thought it was something that happened more 100-plus years ago, and a very, very rare occurrence today.

Although it is still considered very "rare" it happens more often than you think, unfortunately. However, the subject is still so taboo that if it never affects you, I doubt you are ever going to really give it a second thought. 

But here I am in a world I never thought I would be a part of -- an elite club of mothers and fathers fighting this taboo subject and stuck with the grief and misery of losing a child. I have met some amazing, strong people through this "club" -- online and in person. I am so grateful that they are a part of my life now. Frankly, I don't think I could have survived without these people's support.

I have also come across many people I don't know personally who are also fighting to get people talking more about stillbirth, miscarriage and infant loss. I am so amazed at how strong we all are -- all of us who are willing to stand up and get this taboo subject out in the open.

In the almost year since we have lost Jackson, I have come across so many new resources out there, mainly started by mothers who have lost a baby. Just like what I hope to accomplish with my Knits of Grief project, these women are putting their hearts and souls out there in hopes to comfort other grieving families.

I would like to share a few of these resources with you today. They will also be included on my "Resources" page.

Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope:

Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope was created by a woman who suffered a stillbirth this past May. She had the idea to put our stories on to one site, and it has taken off in leaps and bounds. Women (and men) are encouraged to submit their story of loss so we can connect with one another and know we are not alone. I recently submitted my story to the site, and you can find it by clicking here (although it is the same one I have posted on this site).

Molly Bears:

Molly Bears was also started by a mother who also lost her baby, Molly, this past May. She buys shells of teddy bears and stuffs them to the weight of your baby free of charge. This way, you can hold a bear the same weight as your baby. What a unique and cool idea! I know they are looking for donations, so any help you can give, I am sure they would appreciate!

October 15 is also National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. And the month of October has also been declared as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. There are many things you can do during the month to recognize your babies (which I will blog about once October hits), but for now there are a couple of things I would like to mention. Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope has also started a campaign to recognize the day, and raise donations to keep their Web site going. You can learn more at Brent and I will also be participating in a Remembrance Walk on Oct. 9 at a local park put on by A Walk to Remember, an organization dedicated to providing support resources for bereaved parents. You can find more information at

So please, join with me in the movement and help make stillbirth, infant loss and miscarriage a non-taboo subject.


  1. Good for you, Rebecca. It's like how people used to not talk about cancer because they felt like it was better not to acknowledge it. It's a fear response that doesn't have any bearing on whether or not something is likely to happen, and it cuts off legitimate avenues to get support, if people can admit to the experiences they share.

    I support you in speaking out about your struggle, and I will do what I can to spread the word.

    Stay strong.

  2. Thank you for writing about Molly Bears, I think I am going to contact that Mom. It is such a nice idea.

    I think Faces of Loss is great as well (I work on the site a bit....the Faces Gallery.

    I don't think I could have made it through without the baby loss Mom's that I have met either. I don't know how women it did years ago when they were told not to talk about it, to act like it never happened. I would go crazy if I had to do that.

  3. I'm one of those moms who lost a baby to stillbirth- my son, Ben, died 4 days before his due date because of a knot in his umbilical cord. I'm also trying to get stillbirth more recognized - I still don't understand, almost 7 years later, why people don't know the facts about this issue. Too many of us go through this for such silence to exist. Thank you. And I'm so sorry for your loss.

  4. I came across your blog through Francesca and am thankful to have found it. I have also thought I'd like to contribute by knitting or crocheting blankets for families in need, but I'm just learning. I took my first knitting class about a month ago. May I ask what pattern you are using for the blankets?

  5. I saw your story on faces. I too had a stillborn baby. In February. Also, I live in Colorado as well, where I've met no one yet that is grieving this way. Thank you for sharing your story.

  6. It's so wonderful to see all the comments on my beautiful niece's blog. Our whole family is so proud of how Brent and Rebecca have dealt with their grief this past year. Thanks to all of you for being a part of this community. Aunt Jane